{"id":10,"date":"2015-11-01T20:51:01","date_gmt":"2015-11-01T20:51:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/?p=10"},"modified":"2015-11-01T20:51:01","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T20:51:01","slug":"cassies-law-how-did-i-get-from-there-to-here","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/2015\/11\/01\/cassies-law-how-did-i-get-from-there-to-here\/","title":{"rendered":"Cassie\u2019s Law: How did I get from there to here?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This blog was first written March of 2013 and shared at\u00a0https:\/\/cassieslawnj.wordpress.com<\/a>. Since I’m moving the blog to this new site, I wanted to add a copy of said blog here as well.<\/p>\n

_________________<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dealing with the emotional and legal aftermath of one\u2019s daughter being raped is more than any mother should have to face. Finding out that rapist has legal rights to visit with the victim\u2019s sister is terrifying. Both daughters being under the age of 7 makes it all the more overwhelming.<\/p>\n

I never imagined my life reaching this point. For many weeks now, I\u2019ve contemplated just what I\u2019m going to share \u2013 and how \u2013 with countless strangers about very personal and painful goings on in my life, with the hope that said strangers will care enough to help me.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not looking for money\/donations. I\u2019m looking for you to listen to my story, sign a petition, or two, share my story, and possibly volunteer for my cause.<\/p>\n

When my first daughter was 11 months old, I found my marriage ending and my journey as a single mother beginning. It was difficult, but sharing day in and day out with my daughter made any difficulties worthwhile. She was the light of my life.<\/p>\n

I ended up meeting a new love interest who seemed like a good match for me and someone who realized how precious my daughter was. We fell in love, got married, and had a baby of our own.<\/p>\n

I could write a book about how our marriage was. I could write another book about signs of what was coming involving my oldest that I missed.<\/p>\n

Most simply stated, I loved and trusted my husband, and thought my second marriage would last. I was devastated in May 2011 when our marriage abruptly ended. I felt so blindsided and confused.<\/p>\n

In June 2011, my estranged husband showed up at my new residence for a scheduled visit with our 9-month old that was supposed to take place at my residence, and my husband and his brother proceeded to physically assault me and take off with the baby, injuring the baby in the process. The police had to be involved to get my baby returned, and my husband was arrested and I was issued a restraining order. (Both brothers were indicted and arraigned for endangering the welfare of a child, aggravated assault with intent to cause bodily injury, \u00a0detaining a minor child, and interference with custody. Both brothers ended up taking a plea deal for the charge of interference with custody.)<\/p>\n

My then 4-year old daughter started asking me several times a day if I would ever forgive \u201cDaddy A****\u201d if he were to tell me he were very very very sorry. She asked me if I still loved him. She asked me if we\u2019d ever live with him again. She asked me why did he try to kidnap her sister, and if he wanted to hurt her sister. For two months, I answered her questions, presuming I was comforting her at the lost of this father figure and friend.<\/p>\n

My oldest turned 5 in July 2011.<\/p>\n

August 2011, my daughter\u2019s endless questions became painfully put into perspective. She asked me if she could tell me a secret. (Secret wasn\u2019t a word she and I used.) I said yes. In very simple, innocent terms, she explained to me what life with my estranged husband had been like for her. She proceeded to tell me that my ex had been mean to her, had hurt her. She explained to me what it felt like to be anally penetrated.<\/p>\n

Heartbroken and devastated don\u2019t even begin to describe how I felt. I called the pediatrician to get her examined. The pediatrician said only one doctor in our area did that kind of exam on someone so little, and that was Dr. Finkel. I was provided with the number. I called Dr. Finkel\u2019s office to schedule an appointment, and I was told they only see patients brought to Dr. Finkel by DYFS. (DYFS, the Division of Youth and Family Services of NJ, is known as Child Protective Services in other states.) Despite my nervousness about DYFS getting involved with my kids, I called and explained my situation. A DYFS investigator was at my house the next morning. We talked about life and toys and cartoons for about 20 minutes, and then I was asked to leave the room so my daughter and the DYFS investigator could talk privately. I did. My daughter shared with the DYFS worker what happened to her, and the DYFS worker would change the story somewhat and repeat it back to her. My daughter would correct him. This process repeated several times, but my daughter\u2019s recollections remained consistent. The DYFS \u00a0investigator asked me to come back in the room, and informed me what my daughter said was substantial and I was given an appointment with Dr. Finkel at NJ CARES and an appointment with the prosecutor. I was also informed that DYFS was suspending visitation between my ex and my youngest for the time being.<\/p>\n

I took my daughter to the prosecutor\u2019s office. A worker put us in a play room, and made casual conversation with my daughter and I for about 10 minutes. Then the prosecutor asked to speak with me privately in his office. He explained to me how the process works. Then he saw my daughter privately and video taped their conversation. He couldn\u2019t prompt her or ask her questions for this interview. He simply told her that he was friends with the police, and if someone has hurt her or was hurting her, he wanted to know about it so he could help her. My daughter proceeded to tell him her story. She remained consistent.<\/p>\n

My daughter was seen by NJ CARES. Because NJ CARES works with the courts and my daughter\u2019s case is still in the courts, I can\u2019t give the details. I can say she was examined on video and interviewed on video. In response to how her exam and interview went, she was accepted into the NJ CARES program and assigned a therapist.<\/p>\n

September 2011, my daughter started Kindergarten. It was bittersweet for me. She was starting a new chapter of her life and growing up. This was also the first time that we\u2019d be separated in this fashion. She never attended daycare or preschool, so sending my daughter off to be cared for by strangers was a little intimidating. After just 3 days of attending half day kindergarten, my 5-year old had a nervous breakdown. She was suicidal. She wanted to die and she had a plan. I took her to the crisis unit, and my baby was admitted to an in-patient \u00a0psychiatric hospital. I was allowed to visit with her for one hour per day. My daughter struggled with having to go to school and not be home with me. It was revealed that my ex told my daughter if he told their secret to anyone, he would kill my daughter, kill me or kill both of us. My daughter felt like she could protect me when we were home together, but once she started school, she was worried she\u2019d come home and find me dead. It was overwhelming for her.<\/p>\n

My oldest is now 6, and the baby is now 2. Their birthdays are this summer. The baby\u2019s father has not had visitation with her, supervised or unsupervised, since the DYFS investigator suspended\u00a0visitation\u00a0in August 2011. There is still an open DYFS case in my home, but not because of anything I\u2019ve done. DYFS is involved with my children to offer support services and protect the girls. We\u2019ve moved from the house my ex knew of to a new home. My daughter attends a school other than her local district school. That way, if my ex ever learns where she goes to school, he won\u2019t find our home in the territory her school serves. If he finds our home, he won\u2019t be able to stalk my daughter to our neighborhood school. My daughter is in weekly therapy to deal with her trauma. The group BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) have accepted my daughter into their group and provide their friendship and services.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been warned by DYFS and by therapists and countless social workers that DYFS\u2019 current protection will not last forever. Baby Cassie\u2019s biological father, the man who repeatedly raped my older daughter, still has his basic parental rights intact. As long as they are intact, a number of things could go wrong that would allow him access to my youngest daughter. If he\u2019s not found guilty for raping my oldest, he\u2019d have access to my youngest. If he\u2019s found guilty of raping my oldest and does jail time, but is released while Cassie is still a minor, his debt to society will be\u00a0considered\u00a0paid and he\u2019d have visitation rights with her again. I\u2019ve also been told there are times a \u00a0prosecutor can decide not to proceed with charges, despite the amount of evidence at hand, and if that were the case a sexually abusive parent could petition the court for DYFS\u2019 protection to be lifted and unsupervised visitation to be granted, and the fate of that petition would be at the mercy of the presiding judge.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not seeking revenge. I\u2019m seeking a system where a child\u2019s right to be safe from a sexually abusive parent is more important than a parent\u2019s right to have access to their child. I\u2019m seeking affirmation that I will be able to protect my youngest daughter from experiencing the same fate my oldest experienced and is still suffering from. I\u2019m seeking peace of mind.<\/p>\n

This is where Cassie\u2019s Law will be born.<\/p>\n

I want to get legislation passed that if a parent has been found guilty or plead guilty in court or if DYFS (or a similar organization in another state) or NJ Cares (or a similar\u00a0institution\u00a0in another state that works with the courts) has substantiated sexual abuse, that said parent forfeits their \u201cright\u201d to visitation with their minor children.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know if this is something that would get passed first in NJ and then duplicated in other states, or if this is something that would be passed on the federal level. I\u2019ve never attempted to get legislation passed before. I know this is going to be a long process. I think it will be worth it if the end result is the welfare of innocent children outweighs the parental rights of sexually abusive parents in the end.<\/p>\n

I want to know that Cassie, and any child in a situation like Cassie\u2019s, will be safe.<\/p>\n

How can you help? You can connect to Cassie\u2019s Law on Facebook, Twitter, and Word Press, and let your friends know this cause exists. You can sign the petitions circulating to gain awareness and support for this cause, most importantly signing the whitehouse.gov petition located athttp:\/\/wh.gov\/f90R<\/a>. (If the whitehouse.gov petition can get 100,000 signatures within 30 days, the White House will\u00a0review\u00a0the petition and issue a response.) You can contact your state and federal senators and congressman and let them know you\u2019d like them to support Cassie\u2019s Law, and you can ask them to sponsor Cassie\u2019s Law. You can join our group setup for volunteers, and keep your finger on the pulse of what\u2019s happening with this cause. I\u2019m sure things will come up that I haven\u2019t considered or imagined, and I\u2019ll discuss these things with the volunteers as they arise. You can touch base with your local representative once a month to remind them you want them to support Cassie\u2019s Law. You can interact with the Twitter and Facebook pages and Word Press blog to keep on top of happenings and share the happenings with your friends. You can help by making people aware and by asking officials that Cassie\u2019s Law become a reality.<\/p>\n

As of right now, I don\u2019t see\u00a0fundraising\u00a0becoming an issue. If it ends up being an issue, you can donate services or products to a local fundraiser. For example, do you teach piano lessons? Are you a singer \/ band \/ photographer \/ DJ \/ etc and have a service that could be auctioned off or used for entertainment if a fundraiser were to be planned? Are you a lawyer who could help draft Cassie\u2019s Law or offer legal advice if the need arose? Are you a radio show host who can discuss this topic with your audience, or a blogger who can share this cause with your audience? There are endless ways you can help! You can attend, and invite your friends to attend. If a fundraiser does become necessary, I\u2019ll be sure to list any official fundraisers on our web page and via our social media.<\/p>\n

Please go to our Facebook page and \u201clike\u201d it. It may also be helpful to click the \u201clike\u201d button a second time and check that you\u2019d like to get notifications from the page.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/cassieslawnj<\/a><\/p>\n

Please go to our Twitter account and follow us.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/twitter.com\/cassieslaw<\/a><\/p>\n

Please go to our Word Press blog and subscribe.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/cassieslawnj.wordpress.com<\/a><\/p>\n

Please go to our webpage and add us to your bookmarks.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.cassieslaw.org<\/a>,\u00a0http:\/\/about.me\/cassieslaw<\/a><\/p>\n

If you\u2019d like to volunteer for this cause, please join our group for volunteers. If you have ideas on steps we should be making or things we should be considering, this is the best place to be heard.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/groups.google.com\/forum\/#!forum\/cassieslaw<\/a><\/p>\n

Please sign the three petitions in circulation for Cassie\u2019s Law. All three exist for a specific audience, all all three need equal amounts of love and signatures.<\/p>\n

http:\/\/signon.org\/sign\/cassies-law-providing.fb23?source=c.fb&r_by=7202664<\/a><\/p>\n

http:\/\/wh.gov\/f90R<\/a><\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.causes.com\/causes\/815669-cassie-s-law<\/a><\/p>\n

Please contact your local representative and tell them you want them to support Cassie\u2019s Law. Let them know this is important to you, and you\u2019ll call back in a month to ask them what they\u2019ve done to support this bill\/cause.<\/p>\n

Then please use your voice on social media, and let your contacts know about Cassie\u2019s Law and that you support this cause and ask them to support it, too. Share one of our pages or blog with them.<\/p>\n

Knowing what could happen to my Cassie if I sit back and do nothing is what is motivating me right now, but this isn\u2019t just about Cassie. This is about the rights of all children in a situation like Cassie\u2019s, who have a sexually abusive parent they need to be protected from.<\/p>\n

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and thank you for anything you do from today forward that lends awareness and support to Cassie\u2019s Law.<\/p>\n

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This blog was first written March of 2013 and shared at\u00a0https:\/\/cassieslawnj.wordpress.com. Since I’m moving the blog to this new site, I wanted to add a copy of said blog here as well. _________________   Dealing with the emotional and legal aftermath of one\u2019s daughter being raped is more than any mother should have to face. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10\/revisions\/12"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/cassieslaw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}