{"id":254,"date":"2015-11-01T20:17:54","date_gmt":"2015-11-01T20:17:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/?p=254"},"modified":"2015-11-01T20:21:31","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T20:21:31","slug":"a-confession","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/2015\/11\/01\/a-confession\/","title":{"rendered":"A Confession"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Day 29: A Confession\u00a0(Day 29 of <a href=\"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2015\/10\/30dayblog.jpg\" target=\"_blank\">30 Day Blogging Challenge<\/a>)<\/p>\n<p>The only proof left over are the scars on my arms and thighs. I did it all throughout my teens and twenties, and I was able to hide it until I was 21. No one knew, and if anyone suspected, they never asked any questions. It was my safely guarded secret &#8211; I was a cutter.<\/p>\n<p>It never had anything to do with wanting attention, and it wasn&#8217;t about wanting to die. It was about so much pain on the inside that I couldn&#8217;t sooth, so if I cut, it bled out and then I could treat my wounds and feel better. It was almost euphoric to be in so much pain I couldn&#8217;t cry and then feel it rush out of my body.<\/p>\n<p>I attended therapy for several years, and I learned my cutting was a symptom of something much deeper &#8211; sexual abuse I had suffered as a child and preteen. I didn&#8217;t have words at that age to describe the amount of pain I was in, but cutting gave me intense relief that I otherwise didn&#8217;t feel from the black hole eating me alive from the inside out.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.thehopeline.com\/116-why-do-people-cut-themselves-part-1\/\" target=\"_blank\">Why do People Cut Themselves?<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw\" target=\"_blank\">Iris<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Day 29: A Confession\u00a0(Day 29 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge) The only proof left over are the scars on my arms and thighs. I did it all throughout my teens and twenties, and I was able to hide it until I was 21. No one knew, and if anyone suspected, they never asked any questions. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","last-post"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=254"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/254\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":257,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/254\/revisions\/257"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/omaser.com\/blog\/kss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}