I was raised the daughter of an independent fundamental Baptist pastor, and grew up with very conservative thoughts and ideals. In my early 20s, it occurred to me that I believed as I did because it’s what my father believed, and I wasn’t sure which were really part of my own belief system. I took 10 steps back to re-examine, and ended up going from conservative Republican Christian to Democrat and Agnostic. After about a year’s time, I found Paganism, and felt that it shared many of my thoughts, so I jumped right in and grasped it all as my own path.

The Pagan path has been good to me for over a decade, but I’m finding myself to be restless again. I know I shared many of the ideas that Paganism encompasses, but I believe I did the same thing I did as a child – I identified with it 100% to the point of taking on beliefs that weren’t necessarily mine. I don’t know if I’m quite denouncing my Pagan spirituality at this point, but I’m definitely sorting out which parts are me and which parts I don’t agree with.

I wish I could find a path that didn’t have things I disagree with. One of the things Pagans believe in that I don’t is karma. I don’t believe I’m being punished or rewarded for anything I did in a past life or in this life, and neither are my children. I think it’s disgusting to say my young daughter was brutalized because she was a rapist in her past life and what she’s experienced this life is her karmic debt.  I refuse to believe I have health issues as a punishment. I think people say and believe these things because something major has never really affected their lives. I believe good things can happen to bad people and bad things can happen to good people. Shit happens, period.

I do believe in reincarnation. I don’t know the details – nobody does if they’re going to be honest about it – but I do believe our souls recycle. I believe it’s the soul’s right to reincarnate, so it can enjoy the pleasures of the flesh (food, sex, touch, ego, having a self, etc).

I believe in a higher power. I don’t know if the divine made us or if we made the divine. If there is a divine being, I don’t believe they interact with the world that much. There is too much hurt on this earth for me to believe in an all powerful, all knowing, and all loving concept of the divine. Otherwise, I’m not sure how I define the divine.

I believe that the divine can be felt and experienced through animals. No love is more unconditional than that of a pet. Animals don’t waste, don’t hate, don’t lie, and don’t intentionally hurt others. They take what they need and live in harmony with nature. I couldn’t believe in a spiritual path that looked at animals as second class.

I do believe in divination. I’ve been using it for two decades now, I know it works. I couldn’t be a part of a path that frowned on it.

I believe whole-heartedly in equality for all. I couldn’t be part of a path that oppresses in the name of god. That goes for women, gays, children, etc. Equality is equality is equality, and it’s very important to me.

If you know of a spiritual path that encompasses all or some of these virtues, please give me a heads up so I can research them and possibly visit them.

My soul is definitely searching for something right now, and it’s restless. I just know I’ll find peace once it finds what it’s searching for.