Day 25: My Biggest Regret (Day 25 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

My Michael and I first married back in May of 2006, but we ended up getting divorced and going our separate ways. I dated other men, married and had a baby with one, and that marriage turned into a nightmare situation for my children and me. I then met back up with Michael while divorcing the other guy, and Michael and I remarried in December of 2013. My biggest regret in my life is Michael and I divorcing the first time around. I wish we both would have fought harder to see our marriage through.

I was emotionally and spiritually abused by the other man I married and his family. After we separated, he showed up at my new house with his brother, and they attacked me and took my 9-month old baby from my arms and took off with her. The police had to be called for me to get her back, and she had to go to the hospital to get her bruises checked out. The police pressed charges against him, and he ended up pleading guilty to interfering with custody. After this part of the nightmare begun, my then 4-year old daughter tole me my estranged husband, her step father, used to sexually abuse her. Part of me died that day.

If Michael and I would have stayed together, I would have had my second daughter with him. The attack and attempted kidnapping never would have happened. The sexual abuse never would have happened. The PTSD and nightmares never would have happened.

My biggest regret is not fighting harder to keep my marriage with Michael in tact the first time around. I won’t make that mistake again.

Day 24: What Attracts Me in Love (Day 24 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

I’m currently married to a man I was married to once before, but we chose to get divorced and go our separate ways. I dated others in the meantime and even married and divorced someone else before getting back together with my Michael.

I originally met Michael online through a mutual friend, and our first date was at P&B Diner in Glassboro, NJ. No lie, by the end of our first date I knew we would be together. I knew I would end up marrying him. I wish I could put into words what it was, other than this click inside me and an overall feeling of contentment and security I hadn’t experienced before. Sure, he was a great conversationalist and he had no trouble making me laugh, but that wasn’t it. There was this sense that I’d known him forever.

I love curly hair, and even though Michael keeps his head shaved or his hair very short, when we first me he grew it out to show me how curly it was. I could run my fingers through his hair for hours and not get bored.

I love tall men. Michael is 6’2″, so he’s on the shorter side of tall, but he towers over my 4’11” frame, and that does something for me.

I love an intelligent man, a well read man, and a man who has a decent sense of humor. Michael has all three.

I want a man who is aligned with me spiritually and politically. Michael is close on both accounts. He’s a Celtic-Roman Pagan and I’m a Roman Pagan. He’s Independent politically. When we first met, I was a Democrat, but more recently I’ve been researching the Green Party and am very close to making a switch.

There is one thing I’m attracted to that Michael doesn’t fit the bill for, and that’s a younger guy. I’m a total cougar and love men 10+ years younger than me. My husband is 5 years my senior.

Most importantly, I want someone who will commit to me and is willing to stand by me ans we fall in and out of love multiple times. Marriage isn’t easy, but I think it’s worth it if you find the right partner.

Day 23: If I Won the Lottery… (Day 23 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

I fantasize about this one a lot. I know the first thing I would do is pay off my mother’s mortgage so she owned her house outright. I’d also buy a modest house for my family, and invest enough so that my family could live off of the income plus have some extra that I could donate annually to charity. The rest would be donated to charities that do work that pulls on my heart strings. The more money I won, the more charities I’d be able to donate to.

I’ll never be a rich person for this reason. Some people fantasize about vacations and expensive toys. I fantasize about a world where children don’t have to drink poo water and women don’t have to live in fear of being raped. I dream of a world without inequality and discrimination. My money would go to those groups that share my visions and have the ability to make it happen.

And, since I’m investing enough to live off the interest, I wouldn’t have to work and would have plenty of time each week to volunteer. I’d most likely pick five local non-profits and volunteer at one each weekday. One would most likely be an animal shelter. Another would most likely be something for the homeless. Another would most likely have something to do with children.

It would feel good to know my time, money, and efforts were going into things I feel passionate about. I wouldn’t be wealthy by most people’s definitions, but I’d feel like the richest person in the world.

Day 22: My Worst Habits (Day 22 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

I dream big. I’m very good at visualizing something in detail and seeing the differences between where I am now and where I want to get to and making a plan to bridge the gap. I’m not so good at following the plan. One of my worst habits is procrastination. I think part of it is a hectic schedule, part is depression, and part might be a fear of success. Whatever the reason, it’s a bad habit I want to put behind me. It’s unsettling to think I’m almost 40 and I haven’t tackled many of my lifetime goals yet.

I’m also a bit of a messy person. I’d like to think it’s because messiness leans towards genius, but it’s probably more of a lazy factor and a lack of discipline factor in my case. I prefer to enjoy the moment and put off small chores, and it piles up on me until I have a bigger mess to clean up later.

Maybe one of these days when I become a success, I’ll hire a maid. 🙂

Day 21: What Makes Me Sad (Day 21 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

Inequality makes me sad. I try to do what I can to raise awareness and be an ally for the underdog and oppressed, but it’s a tiring fight and new stories come out every day making it feel like an uphill battle that will never be won. I do my best to stay positive and count the victories as they come, but there are times I feel downright sad and frustrated about the entire situation.

Feeling left out makes me feel sad. Whether it’s family, friends, or on a societal level, being on the outside looking in is never a good feeling. Not being invited and given a chance to accept or decline can hurt.

I feel sad when someone I love dies, especially my pets. I get very attached. I also mourn deeply when relatives and friends pass away.

I feel sad when I’m broke, and even more so when being broke means I can’t pay one of my bills. It makes me feel like I’m failing my kids or failing as an adult. It’s also no fun when I want to do something socially but can’t because of limited funds, or have to tell my kids no because of limited funds.

Situations where I feel not able to help make me feel sad, like children overseas drinking poo water or governments raping their women and children. I don’t understand how things can get to that point when we have nations and individuals who are so wealthy, and it breaks my heart.

Day 20: What Makes Me Happy (Day 20 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

My children make me happy. No, not 100% of the time, but their existence brings a joy to my life I otherwise wouldn’t have. I love being a mom and I love having kids.

Dachshunds make me happy. They look like they just stepped out of a cartoon with their long body, short legs and floppy ears, and their larger than life personalities sing a song my heart can hear. Once upon a time my best friend was a dachshund, and we did everything together, including him coming to work with me. I miss him every day and look forward to being at a point where I can have another dachshund come into my life and heart

Writing makes me happy. I express myself better with written words than with verbal ones. It seems to be a form of expression my soul needs. If I’m feeling an emotion and I talk about it, it’s still there and strong. If I write about it, I can find peace within.

Reading makes me happy. I love escaping from the real world and into a book several times a day. Whether it’s fiction or non-fiction, self-help or mystery, it entertains me in a way that’s hard to parallel.

Cheesecake makes me happy. I’m not even eating a piece right now, but just the thought of a big piece with fruit on top and gooey sauce brought a smile to my face.

Playing World of Warcraft makes me happy. I’m not the best at the game, but being able to get online with some friends and play a game together while we chat is a fun way for me to relax. I also enjoy Pogo for this very reason.

Snow makes me happy. Maybe this is a hold over from childhood? I don’t like it so much if I have to go out in it, but if I can stay indoors all nice and warm and watch it come down outside around me? Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Day 19: My Favorite Movie (Day 19 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

SPOILER ALERT: I blog about this movie like you’ve already seen it. If you haven’t seen it, reading this blog may expose the plot and ruin the ending for you. You’ve been warned.

My favorite movie is easily 50 First Dates with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler. Lucy had a head injury that led to a type of memory loss that she forgets everything after her 18th birthday each time she falls asleep. Henry met her after her 18th birthday and falls for her, but finds himself faced with the challenge of crossing paths with her and making her fall in love with him day after day.

Many of the side plots don’t have much to do with the main story, but they bring hilarity to an otherwise serious, thought provoking story. I don’t recall the source of this information, but I heard the script was first written as “50 First Kisses” and it wasn’t a comedy at all. Adam Sandler came along and rewrote the script to add some humor and make the story less of a pull on the heart strings while keeping the gist of the main story in tact.

I found the ending to be so moving because, despite all Lucy’s flaws, she was able to find true love without having to change or get “fixed.” Everyone around her adjusted themselves. In a world that prizes instant gratification and perfection, I find that sentiment to be beautiful and moving. I don’t cry easily at movies, but it’s one of the few movies that the ending brought me to tears.

Day 18: A Photograph of Myself (Day 18 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

I get really picky when it comes to pics of myself. I think I look better in person than I do in most photos. These two seem to capture what I look like and I feel positively about them.

Day 17: My Favorite Blogs (Day 17 of 30 Day Blogging Challenge)

NJ Poverty Reality – This is my friend Brian‘s blog, and I’m impressed with the amount of research and heart he puts into it. The topics are centered around NJ, the poor, new legislature, local politics, and the city of Camden. If you live in NJ and you’re not familiar with this blog, you need to be.

Writing For Dollars – I look forward to this one coming out every couple of weeks. I read each listing to see if there’s something that might be in my ballpark to do. I appreciate the time and effort Dan Case puts into gathering up this information and sharing it with freelance writers like me.

The Penny Hoarder – This blog shares unique and fun ways to make some extra cash or save some cash doing what you may already be doing on a regular basis. I personally love the different suggestions to earn additional income. Sometimes every little bit counts.

Single Dad Laughing – If you’re a parent, you need to check out this blog. If you want to be a professional blogger, you need to check out this blog. Dan Pearce takes every day stories and shares them in such a way that we have warm moments, we question ourselves, and we reminisce. He shines a light on what it is to be human.